If You Love Something Let It Go
by TCD
Summary: Bella leaves for 2 years of graduate school in England after only just getting together with Edward. See if and how they get through it. Switches between BPOV and EPOV. Rated T. One Shot. AU.


**A/N**: Well, two new stories written in one evening, not bad if I do say so myself ;) This story isn't the same as most of my other stories. Normally I don't like switching between POV's but now it kind of seemed to fit the story and it isn't as happy as my stories normally are. It's just something I'm thinking about a lot lately. What going away for a while does to your relationship. And we all know how Edward and Bella's relationship works ;) So this is my version of Bella going to gradschool in England ;) I hope you enjoy it all the same and I'd love to know what you guys think :)

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**If You Love Something Let It Go**

**Edward POV**

They always say "If you love something let it go", so that is what I did. I loved her more than anything in the whole world. But she wasn't ready to commit. She had had the dream of going to England to study at Oxford since she had been a child. And we had only been together for a few short months. I had no power over her and it was better that way. I would never force her to do something against her will. We met at the moment she had sent off her applications to Oxford, we literally bumped into each other at the mailbox after she had let go of that one package that was going to change my life forever. Her dream to study English literature in England… How far away it had seemed at that time. And even though I had complete faith that she would get in, I had let myself dream, and caught myself hoping that she wouldn't. Then she could stay with me. Forever. But that was selfish and I of course never told her that.

So I had just waved goodbye to her at the airport and was driving back to my house in Forks. I didn't want to face my family. They had all grown attached to her over the past couple of months as well and my parents saw her as their own daughter. She was going to be missed greatly. But it was for the better. I had no hope left that we would make it as a couple. That she would actually come back to me after those two years of graduate study. I had no place in her world anymore.

"I can't believe he let her go!" Alice's disbelief greeted me before I entered the house.

I wasn't ready for this.

"There was nothing he could do Alice, if he would have stopped her, their relationship had no chance of succeeding. They were doomed from the moment they started," my always cheerful brother Emmett chimed in. Only this time, it wasn't a joke. He meant it. And he was right.

"None of you say anything to Edward about this alright! He is already sad enough as it is!" my mother, who was hurting more than any of my siblings at losing her child, said sternly.

They all knew I was close to the door so they kept silent. They let me pass to my room without as much as a thought in my direction. I knew what they were thinking and feeling of course, but it was drowned out – for the first time – by my own thoughts and my own sorrow. I loved her more than anything in the world. "If you love something let it go" why don't they ever tell you in those songs how hard it is to actually do that? Nowhere there was a warning saying "Watch out! This isn't as easy as we make it sound!" I know that it was irrational of me to believe that it wasn't going to hurt or that it wouldn't be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. But love makes people irrational.

Love. How could this even be love? We hadn't even been together for a year and I was already ready to propose to her. I knew my heart would never belong to anyone else. How was that possible?

"It is because she is your true mate," Carlisle would tell me during one of our many discussions on the matter. He believed I could do anything. He puts too much faith in me.

Nowadays, I can't do anything anymore. I go through the motions, pretending I have a life to live, going to school, conversing with my siblings when I can't avoid it but running up to my room again as soon as I am home.

I know it hurts my mother to see me this way, she doesn't deserve it. She wants me to talk to her, I know. But it isn't easy to talk to someone who shares your pain and when talking only makes the pain more real.

"Time heals all wounds" they say. Good thing I have an eternity. But I doubt it is enough.

Eternity. Without my Bella. My beautiful Bella. I couldn't think of anything worse. Before I had met her, being alone was all I wanted and all I needed. I did not feel the need for love the way others seemed to crave it. My sole purpose in life was not to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. I did not have a purpose in life. That was bliss compared to this. Nothing had changed. But at the same time; everything had changed. Now I still didn't have a purpose in life, I wasn't going to get married and live happily ever after. But now I knew what I was missing, and I wanted it. I wanted it bad!

**Bella POV**

So I had my dream. I was studying at Oxford. English literature graduate study at Oxford. It was all I had ever dreamed of. I didn't know anything else. Not before. But now I did. I now knew love. I stared love right in the face. The face of perfection. And I let it go. It slipped through my fingers because I wanted to chase a dream I had had my entire life. It seemed logical at the time. But why was it now so difficult.

Of course being here was wonderful. It was all I imagined and more. But I couldn't get the empty feeling out of my mind. I missed him. More than anything. I wanted to be with him, hold him, kiss him, laugh with him, and just be with him. I couldn't stand the pain. We had decided to break up, so I could experience college abroad fully. We weren't going to have any contact while I was gone.

Full experience… How can I have a full experience when he is not here?

"Plenty of fish in the sea?" Isn't that what they always say? But there is no fish like him. There is no fish that can make me feel the way he did. He is one of a kind, perfect for me, and I let him go. I gave it up for a dream. A stupid dream.

No it isn't a stupid dream! This is what you wanted all along! You are lucky enough to get your dream; you can't throw it away now! I repeat the same thing to myself every single day. But this wasn't my dream. My dream was to _enjoy_ graduate study abroad. I wasn't enjoying any of this. He wasn't here. And he wouldn't be there when I would get back. There was no way he would wait for me. We said we wouldn't wait; we would live our lives and see what happens when it happens.

I knew for me there was never going to be anyone else. I had seen guys around here, plenty of them. And even though I could see they were attractive and they seemed nice, none of them were _him_. _He _was all I wanted and all I would ever want.

**Edward POV**

A year had passed and Bella had been here during her Christmas break and during her summer vacation. Especially the summer vacation, which took about two months, had been hard. We had said we weren't going to see each other during the time she was here. It would only open up old wounds and it would make her going back to England that much harder on the both of us. It took all the strength I had to stay away from her. It was so bad that I fled to our cousins in Alaska for a couple of weeks during the summer, just to get some space between us.

Of course they had been wonderful hosts and it was great to be there. But my cousin Tanya's constant passes at me only made me miss Bella even more. Nobody would be able to replace her. I would be alone the rest of eternity. And I had to live with that. I could live with that. As long as I knew Bella was following her dream and that she was happy. That's what kept me from going to England and being with her. It was her experience and I would only interfere. She needed to experience college abroad and the experience would be completely different if she had brought a piece of home with her. It would defeat the whole purpose.

This was what she wanted. She is happy and living her dream. Because she is happy, I'm happy. I have to tell myself that every day.

My family attempted to cheer me up every now and then but their attempts grew weaker in time, they knew it was hopeless. I knew it was hurting my family to see me like this. And every day I told myself to snap out of it for my family. But I couldn't. It was too hard. I missed her too much.

**Bella POV**

I had made some friends here, but I had lost them easily as well. The only one who still put up with me was my roommate. She had to. But she claimed she also liked being around me. She just didn't appreciate me crying myself to sleep every night because I missed him so. Or waking up in the middle of the night because I was screaming his name. I had no money for a single room; I didn't want to put my only friend here through this. I told myself over and over that I wasn't going to miss him anymore, that things were going to be different from now on. But no matter how many pubs she dragged me to or how many new acquaintances I made, everything I did reminded me of him. I missed him.

Just one more semester and I would be able to go home. I would be an Oxford graduate, summa cum laude, but no wiser than I was when I left Forks.

**Edward POV**

She was graduating today and I would finally be allowed to see her again. I couldn't let myself hope too much though. She probably changed completely and there was a big chance that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I was preparing myself for the greatest pain I would ever feel, something that would make these past two years seem like a hot summer day in the park. Her permanent rejection would kill me. As long as she was happy. I kept telling myself.

"Living might be taking chances but they're worth taking". I couldn't handle it if she would reject me, but I have to take a chance. I wanted to see her again, hold her, kiss her and never let her go again. And it was so close now that I couldn't wait any longer. I ran down the stairs and hugged my mother.

"I'm going to her! I'm going to surprise her after her graduation!" I said in a hurry. I released my mother and hurried out the door.

_Good luck my boy_ I heard my mom think the moment I drove off our driveway. I could see how happy she was that the two years were over and that I was finally more energetic than I had been in a long time. I had to agree with her, it felt good.

I rushed to the airport and got on the first plane to England, I would be at Oxford soon and I would see her in less than a day. I couldn't wait. The entire ride I filled my head with images of her. Not like I had done the past two years, these images weren't filled with sorrow and grief; they were filled with anticipation and joy. Hopeful that she would still be my Bella, that she would feel the same way about me as I did about her.

**Bella POV**

I couldn't wait any longer to see Edward. I had already packed my bags and as soon as I received my diploma, I was out of here. I had my tickets ready and I would be on the flight back home before I knew it. Even though I had missed my father, he was going to have to wait. I needed to see Edward first. I needed to know if he still felt the same about me and if he hadn't already found someone else. I didn't want to get my hopes up but I couldn't seem to stop the butterflies from terrorizing my stomach.

He has forgotten all about you by now Bella. I kept telling myself.

Graduation went by too slowly for my taste. What was so special about that little piece of paper? Didn't they know I had a plane to catch? Finally, the ceremony was over and I was on my way home. To where I belonged. In his arms.

The moment I heard Circle by Marques Houston on my iPod I knew I had made the right decision. "If I didn't go away for school, then where would we be? Probably still together and somewhere happy. If I'm supposed to be moved on to a new relationship then why are you still haunting me?" It felt so right that it had to be fate. We were going to end up together. "If you love something let it go", now it was time to see if he would come back.

**Edward POV**

I arrived at the address Charlie had given me and knocked on the door. My heart would have been pounding in anticipation if it could.

"Hello?" A girl, who I assumed was Bella's roommate, answered the door.

"Hello, I'm Bella's… A friend of Bella, is she here?" I asked quickly.

"No, she left right after graduation, she went to meet this boy…" she said as if I should have known that.

My hopes were crushed. She had met someone else, of course she had, a girl like that wouldn't stay single for long. I can't believe I was actually stupid enough to get my hopes up. My life was officially over, I didn't want this. I couldn't go back home either, I couldn't face my family now. Especially not after how they had seen me in the past couple of years. It would kill them. I should just stay away.

"Hello?" I answered the phone the moment it rang.

"Edward, come home!" Alice ordered from the other side of the line.

She must have seen my plan.

"I can't!" was my simple reply.

**Bella POV**

I was in front of his door and my heart was pounding in my chest. I was finally going to see him again. I wonder if he was still as perfect as I remembered him or maybe even more so.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed the moment she opened the door and she pulled me in for a tight and long hug. "I missed you so much! We all did!" she said sadly.

"I missed all of you too!" I exclaimed.

"Where's Edward?" I asked as soon as Alice released me.

"He isn't here," she said sadly.

"Where is he?" My heart sank and I felt my world was about to get shattered.

"He's surprising you in England!" she said simply.

"What?" I couldn't believe it.

"Yes but you weren't there and now he doesn't want to come home anymore! He won't talk to me; he won't answer my calls anymore. I spoke to him right after he had decided not to come home anymore and now I don't know what to do… I'm afraid he plans to never come home again.

"What?" I exclaimed again, horrified this time. I let myself fall onto the couch and buried my head in my hands. Tears started welling up in my eyes, all my hope had been for nothing it seemed. If he wasn't coming back I couldn't be with him either. If I couldn't reach him he would never know. "What if I call him?"

"He doesn't pick up if it's any of our numbers and if it's a number he doesn't know he won't pick up either," Alice said sadly.

"But he does know my old phone number and I still have that phone, I actually have it on me. I always carry it with me just in case he calls or texts. He never did."

"Because he wanted you to experience college without interruption from him," Alice said sadly. "But calling him with your old number might just work, you should try it!"

**Edward POV**

My phone rang just as I was about to pick my next destination. I was at the airport. I looked at the screen and saw Bella's old number. Probably calling me to tell me she was happy with someone else. I didn't want to hear that right now. I couldn't handle that. I ignored the call and continued looking for a new destination.

My phone rang again. Again it was Bella's number. What if something was wrong? Maybe I should answer. She deserves closure as well if she wants happiness with someone else. I owe her that.

"Hello?" I answered carefully.

"Edward thank God!" Bella exclaimed relieved.

"Bella, what's wrong? Are you alright?" I was so worried I almost forgot to feel relieved that I was finally hearing her wonderful voice again.

"Please come home!" she said with a breaking voice.

"Are you alright?" I asked worried.

"I missed you!" she said softly and my heart broke while butterflies filled my stomach.

"I missed you too! I'll be there as soon as I can!" I rushed while searching for the next flight home.

It took forever to get home but when I finally entered the house I found Bella sleeping on the couch.

"She has been here waiting for you the entire time; she hasn't even seen her father yet… She wanted to see you first!" Alice explained in a slightly accusing tone.

"How could you just stay away like that?" Esme's menacing tone came from the kitchen.

"Sorry mom!" I said apologetically. But I couldn't be bothered to focus on my family. The love of my life, which I hadn't seen in two years, was lying on the couch sleeping. Waiting for me.

I went over to the couch slowly to pick her up and carry her to my room. As soon as I picked her up she threw her arms around my neck and snuggled into my chest. She was still sound asleep and I smiled broadly at her response.

I placed her on the bed Alice had apparently bought for me in the time that I was gone.

_You're welcome._ Her thought hit me from downstairs and I couldn't help but smile.

Bella became restless as I lay down next to her on the bed. She started to slowly wake up.

**Bella POV**

I hadn't had such a great dream in such a long time that it was scary to actually have to wake up. But I had the feeling something important was going to happen once I woke up so I reluctantly opened my eyes. Only to find out I was still dreaming. A beautiful pair of golden eyes met mine and a cool smooth hand softly brushed some hairs out of my face.

"Morning sunshine," his velvety voice greeted me.

"Edward?" I asked still a little sleepy.

"Yes love, it's me," he said softly.

If this was a dream I never wanted to wake up and I was going to make the best of it anyway. The weird thing was that in my dreams his touch had never been as cold as it was in real life. This made me doubt whether this was actually a dream. I decided to just ask. Just to be sure.

"Am I still asleep?"

"No love, not as far as I can tell at least," he replied with a chuckle. He was more perfect than I had remembered him to be.

I didn't think anymore. I just threw myself on top of him and started kissing him with more passion and love than I had ever done before. First he was reluctant but he soon gave in and before I knew it he was on top of me, fully supporting his own weight so I wouldn't be uncomfortable, hugging me close to him and I completely forgot everything else around me.

"If you love something let it go," I murmured in between kisses.

"If it comes back it's yours," he continued.

"I'm yours!" I told him sternly.

"As I am yours my love," he replied before we started a new round of endless kissing.

I had never felt happier than I did right now. This had been my dream all along and now it was time I started living it!

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**A/N:** I can't do stories without happy endings, it's not who I am… There's always sunshine after rain right? ;) I hope you liked my story and I would love to know what you guys think :)

Until next time!  
Xxx,  
Thari


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